So, this morning... the weather gadget shows a storm system brewing and moving slowly southwest of us. A strange laborious slow curl over Wyoming, descending in to Nebraska... I can't tell if the curl came from the Gulf or the Pacific --or if it's a combined system --which is what gives us such strange weather and high winds.
So, I think I will, at some point today, clear the table of work stuff... which means I will clear the table --the whole table... and then I will mow the lawns in case that strange laborious slow curl comes up this far. And that's enough plans for the day... except for maybe the nap. I never nap. Yeah, a nap.
Perhaps I will dream in color. Perhaps I will dream that dream --the one I've never finished, the one I've dreamed my whole life, the one that used to terrify me as a child --the one where I am in bed and all those old people surround my bed and look at me and at each other and laugh and smile and nod. Once, after we got married, I had that dream again, except that time I sat up in my dream, clutching my blanket to my chin, and they spoke to me. Nothing that I could understand, but they spoke.
Perhaps, if I can have the dream again, I will understand....
Nah. That's dreaming....
I keep having to remind myself that understanding and conscious being are two very different unrelated states. And if I had to choose, I would choose conscious being... . For the time being.
---it's taken me this long to know I don't understand a great deal... but being consciously present, and putting understanding aside, is really quite liberating. For me, any way.
At prayer this morning (a portion of Psalm 62)
For God alone my soul in silence waits; *
from God comes my salvation.
God alone is my rock and my salvation, *
my stronghold, so that I shall not be greatly shaken.
--yeah... in silence.