Baptism as ordination, and working as a priest in hope for those who sleep or whose lamps run out of oil

In packing boxes, I have run across some forgotten stuff... in the midst of conversations with Joel about resurrection, baptism, priesthood... in the basement, of course. Pertinent conversations during this time of transition. I found this letter I wrote to him about 13 years ago --when I desired to be in "the process" for ordination. It reads:

My Dearest Beloved,

I have reflected at length upon the questions asked me in this process of discernment, and although I have been asked where I've been, what I've read, and why I believe I am called, not one question has directly asked me where I think I am going. I have supposed this is because most would consider priestly formation yet to come. I do agree with that supposition to some extent; however, I would like to articulate to someone my vision, what I see before me. As you are my priest and vicar, and the one most closely associated with me in this process, you get this!

I see tremendous change in the Church and the shape of the Priesthood of all the baptized; the suffering of Christ before me; the transformation of conversion as a conviction; the shape of ordained priesthood in light of the Church; what I have been called to witness.

The change in the Church has not been a sudden process, nor one which is singular to this generation. The change in the Church is and always has been the Anglican purchase of politics and social change coupled with its organic mix of protestantism and orthodoxy. The new mix in the batter has more to do with social changes at large than the institutional response to ordinary time. And those social changes in this generation have been articulated in science, the end and beginning of the presuppositions in this "postmodern" ethos. Popular culture at large has adopted the presuppositions of science, which presumably conflict with the Tradition of spirituality within the Church. (And yes, I hate the word spirituality, but until I discover another, I shall use it. And NO I do not for a minute believe the spirituality of the church conflicts with science.) The spirituality of the Church embodies the essence of the Incarnation, that flesh and blood point the way to God; that materiality is the sign of creation, of God's Love. And that this flesh and blood is united as One, its relationship transcendent and at once rooted in the mud from which the first fish climbed, just as we have been taken up and are hid with Christ in God.

There is no other way to the supreme perfection of God except through the spiritual transmogrification of flesh and blood.

But science, in its popular state of understanding, denies this and thus also rejects the Tradition of the Church. It has been beaten into the head of every school child that matter can neither be created or destroyed; that matter can be typically described with predictable behavior which can be reduced to universal equations; and that if it cannot be observed and described, it does not exist.

I know that true science has freed itself from that material noose, but popular notions are embedded in world views and take generations to change. This is a problem of this generation in the Church: our world view is embedded in an antique scientific methodology and metaphor, and the crux of the matter is that science itself is in a great state of change.

The changes can/should become for us the present signature of God's love made manifest. This is the Person. Personhood. Love made manifest.

And, this (Love made manifest) is the comfort and succor we offer one another of Christ's resurrection, not only in the works of all the baptized, but in ordination. In the single sacrifice of ordination the imperfect uplifting and surrender is made visible; because of the Incarnation and Resurrection, we have ordination.

Perhaps when the nut is finally cracked and we can see our way clear of the nudity of our current understanding of priesthood, our ignorance and sin laid bare, we shall finally ditch confirmation and offer ordination. To all. Baptism leads to ordination. But offer the same current prerequisites to ordination --the exams, the interviews, the schooling, the scrutiny, all common and ordinary and expected of ALL adults in the Church. Then we shall finally be a church of priests. And then, in God's perfect time, perhaps we shall begin to understand who we already are.

In this ordination, I seek/envision foolishness. The maidens waiting for the Bridegroom to appear always fall asleep or run out of oil, and others will not wake them or share their oil, afraid they themselves will miss out. I wish to wait by those maidens that sleep, and when the Bridegroom comes, adorn their sleeping bodies with warm blanket --God knows why they sleep; and those who panic because they have run out of oil, I want to be there to whisper in their, "Have faith. Don't stand on the merits of custom; don't go thinking you need to seek crude oil in the market or you will miss out. Have faith. Seek the true light. Our Lord will be light enough in this dark."

I do not seek to minister to the saved, to those who have rest enough or wit enough or oil enough. Yes, there must be those who stand awake with full lamps; the whole world would be lost without them. But I know I must stand with those who are asleep and in the dark, with the fools for foolishness' sake. I who know the Grace in suffering, must stand with those who don't know they are suffering. I desire to stand with the convicted.

Foolishness, because I only hope against hope that the story stopped short, the other part not told. You see, yes, there will be many who will miss out on the feast, who will bang on the door and be turned away. There will be those who miss the boat. But I hope the Kingdom is not subject to our imperfection. And I hope those at the feast, those banging at the door and even those who are asleep and have missed the boat --all will stand in awe when the last Word is spoken. Not one shall be left unincorporated.

I once asked a holy man after he preached a magnificent sermon on the Church as a perfect circle, "Which part defined the Church --the circle? --that which was inside the circle, or that which stood outside?" And, he answered, "What circle?"

On that day, my dearest and most beloved, don't look for me --look for the One who made me. God willing, that is all that will remain of me.

I love thee,
margaret

I am pondering what I thought --what my vision was... more than a decade ago. How much of it is working to fruition... the gift of remembering where I was, how I was and am being formed --the work of the Spirit to push me in integral ways into that vision I had --a vision which is not static and is still morphing --but how much of it is still alive in me. ---Thinking of Baptism and the invitation we give to those newly risen from the font --join us in Christ's eternal priesthood. Baptism as ordination.... a Kingdom of priests working for a world where all sacraments shall cease. --a world where sacraments are no longer necessary --where particular ordination is no more --because signs are not necessary to point to that which is already obvious and present.... where particular bread and particular wine are not given at the altar because all is bread, all is wine....

at prayer this morning (Canticle: Third Song of Isaiah
Surge, illuminare
Isaiah 60:1-3, 11a, 14c, 18-19)

Arise, shine, for your light has come, *
and the glory of the Lord has dawned upon you.
For behold, darkness covers the land; *
deep gloom enshrouds the peoples.
But over you the Lord will rise, *
and his glory will appear upon you.
Nations will stream to your light, *
and kings to the brightness of your dawning.
Your gates will always be open; *
by day or night they will never be shut.
They will call you, The City of the Lord, *
The Zion of the Holy One of Israel.
Violence will no more be heard in your land, *
ruin or destruction within your borders.
You will call your walls, Salvation, *
and all your portals, Praise.
The sun will no more be your light by day; *
by night you will not need the brightness of the moon.
The Lord will be your everlasting light, *
and your God will be your glory.

Amen.

And now on to my day and more temporal conversations... selling some chairs --showing the house... oh please, somebody... buy this beautiful ol' place, because it is time to move on....

Peace out.